date: 05/11/2025

feeling: confused

song of the day: -

guess who spent all day working yesterday... i wanted to take it easy, but i couldn't stop thinking about how this site wasn't mobile-friendly at all. so i rebuilt the entire thing, while also looking into responsive web design, but i don't think i did a very good job at it. the site WORKS on mobile now, but it looks awful (lol). once i get some more knowledge, i'll probably rewrite the code again.

it's around 1:30pm and surprisingly, i woke up at a decent time today - 8am !! i made a short cover for tiktok, which i'm going to post in the afternoon. it was a little difficult, i think i spent so much time coding that i neglected my synthv duties (aka the reason i created this site in the first place...), so i had to warm up again. however, i think it turned out fine.

i even managed to take a little nap afterwards and it was so soothing. i actually feel like i got the rest i needed, after working so hard these past few days. for some reason, i got this huge amount of energy, i just can't sit still. which is weird, because i was stuck in a slump for the past few weeks? months? where i could barely do anything. right now, it feels like i have all the energy and no energy at the same time. sitting around still makes me feel guilty, so i try to keep moving.

also, i can catch myself overthinking more often. i'm so scared of being a burden, i can't tell how much is real and how much is just me reading too much into things. it's very confusing and exhausting, so i try to distract myself with even more work... and the cycle continues.

i have no plans for the rest of the day. maybe i'll try to write a poem - no promises. though.

date: 04/11/2025

feeling: tired

song of the day: takeoff - psychic koibito

it's only 7:30am, so it's probably a little early for today's entry... oh, well. i didn't know there was so much on my mind, but it's nice to get everything out of my system.

i keep waking up early, for some reason. today, i started working at 5am. i even stopped drinking energy drinks (for the most part) and took my medication, but nothing seems to help. guess that means i have more time for my projects?

good news: i just finished the cover !! after working on the site yesterday, i somehow had some energy left to continue it. the second verse and pre chorus were so tough !!! luckily, my sibling helped me when i was stuck at a certain part. it felt strange to struggle together with someone, but not in a bad way - it's just not something i'm used to. i only recently started sharing my synthv covers, despite being into it for years. i'm still not sure how to feel. everyone seems to like them, but i really don't think my covers are a big deal. it's something i do for fun and to pass the time, but that's it. praise feels nice, however, too much of it makes me uncomfortable.

i'm a little sad that this website is almost done, writing the code was really fun... i'm still waiting for my friend to finish some drawings, so i can decorate it properly. maybe i will make another site where i talk about my interests, unrelated to this one. games, anime and such. i'm not sure, though. there's still much for me to learn about html and css. and i'm so bad at designing !!! but i'd love to create a website for said friend, as an art portfolio of sorts and that means i need to gain more experience.

since this week's cover is done, i have more "free time" on my hands. i'll try to take it easy and work a little less today. yesterday's 10+ hours on the pc really drained me.

date: 03/11/2025

feeling: motivated

song of the day: sabbath - kawagoe yoshihiro

first blog entry !! i got a lot done today, the website is only missing its "poems" section. i'm very proud of myself, hehe. i started at 7am, it's almost 4:30pm now. time seems to be flying when i'm coding.

hopefully, this site will help me organize my thoughts better. it's also nice to have a space where i can speak about my projects without feeling guilty afterwards...

my friends are very kind and always listen to me, but i'm scared of talking so much that they won't have a chance to share their own thoughts. it's very important to me to have balanced friendships, however, i often get so excited that i go on and on about my own dreams and end up forgetting everything around me. being a bad friend is the last thing i want.

perhaps i will take a small break and then work on the last page - i also need to finish the cover for this week. so far, i've worked until the second verse, but i still need to build the rest + harmonies... it's only monday, and i already feel a little stressed. the song sounds nice and yet, it's not very fun. i posted a drabble on tiktok and people seemed to like it, so i thought making a full version would be cool. well, it's cool for everyone but me.

i probably sound like i'm feeling down, but i'm actually pretty motivated ! i can't wait to work on everything, it's so nice to accomplish things. that didn't sound very sophisticated, but who cares? who's reading this anyway? nothing matters, so i can keep trying hard !!